A Definitely-Not-Made-Up Study: Responses to Common Questions From People Suffering From Bipolar Disorder

A definitely-scientific study was conducted while heavily intoxicated using definitely-not-made-up techniques to determine the most common responses of the manic, bi-polar author bipolar individuals to common questions and situations.

The following results were compiled using definitely-not-bullshit scientific analysis of a single bipolar person’s a statistically significant sub-section of the population suffering from Bipolar Disorder.

The results detail responses to common questions as a function of mood.

How are you?

Mood Answer
Very Depressed Good.
Depressed Good.
Neutral Good.
Manic Good, how are you?
Fucking Nuts WOOOOO!!!! What a day to be alive!

Would you like fries with that?

Mood Answer
Very Depressed I want all the fries you have.
Depressed Yes.
Neutral No.
Manic No.
Fucking Nuts I want all the fries you have!

How was work today?

Mood Answer
Very Depressed Fine.
Depressed Fine.
Neutral Fine.
Manic Fine.
Fucking Nuts I QUIT LIKE 3 DAYS AGO, WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?

What are you doing this weekend?

Mood Answer
Very Depressed I’m busy doing stuff… and things… way too busy to make plans…
Depressed Nothing.
Neutral Not much, what’re you doing?
Manic Nothing, wanna hang out?
Fucking Nuts I’m starting a micro-brewery!  What?  No I don’t know the first thing about brewing, but I’m an alcoholic so what else do I need to know?

Do you have a minute to talk about your cable provider?

Mood Answer
Very Depressed No.
Depressed No.
Neutral No.
Manic No.
Fucking Nuts No.

The author of this completely-real-and-not-made-up study is currently unavailable for comment.  He’ll definitely have your money by Friday – or next Monday at the latest!  Once this brewery takes off we’ll all be rich!  Stop calling me, Rocco!

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Matt

Bipolar husband, father, and professional. Author of loudestminds.com blog - a place to learn about mental illness and yes, maybe even laugh a little.

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